Muslim extremist tries to justify brutal attack on a British soldier in London. And one of the attackers has a Nigerian/Yoruba name; Michael Adeboloja… Another Mutallab?
Watch video for details…
Uwanma the Speechless!
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So, I arrived Heathrow at 6:30pm. Arik Air wasn’t bad and the flight was uneventful; I ate Jollof rice and beef, some sort of macaroni salad, the obligatory bread and some kind of cake for dessert. Since I hear wine is good for the heart and aids digestion, I drank two bottles of wine. I must have overdosed beyond what the doctors had in mind when they said wine was good because I felt a bit inebriated.
Anyway, things really started getting interesting after I cleared immigration…
I was to take the Heathrow Express to Paddington and from there, a cab to South Park. So, I buy a standard ticket and barely made the train. Of course in my mad dash to catch the train, I rush through the nearest door, stow my luggage and settle into the very lush seat. A while later, the conductor; some cute oyinbo girl, begins to check tickets. She gets to me and, alas, announces in a very loud voice that I’ve got Standard tickets but I’m sitting in First Class (or did she call it Business Class?) She goes on to give me options: either I upgrade or I move to Standard (presumably to join my broke ass peers!).
The Ijebu in me kicks in instantly and I politely refuse the upgrade offer. Oyinbo tells me where Standard is and goes off to continue her job.
I started to contemplate the embarrassing task of getting up, picking up my suitcase and making my way from grace to grass. This was made doubly worse when I noticed some of the oyinbos stealing glances at me. That was when the Nigerian in me decided to save face even if it meant spending my last kobo!
I sat back waiting for the conductor (nothing like our Danfo conductors, remember) and when she eventually came back, I immediately handed her the difference to upgrade. To my irritation, she collects the money and tells me we’ve arrived at Paddington! Wicked girl! She could have just boned since the journey had ended and waived the upgrade!
I disembarked and headed to the taxi rank only to see a long line of those dreaded Black Cabs with their notorious meters! I gathered my liver and picked one. As we crawled through rush-hour traffic, I cursed every red light as I watched the meter run really fast! NEPA has a thing or two to learn from their meter, I swear! As I watched the cab fare rise every second, I cursed that big-manism in me (and in most Nigerians) that made me throw away good money upgrading to first class on a 20-minute train ride!
Anyway, all is well that ends well. I’m home now but the real stress is just about to start! Remember I told you I’m here because my sister had twins? Well, I’m here to do Omugwo. But I have a confession; I’m scared of new babies! They terrify me! I’ve been advised to consider this a practical course that would help me when I get married and pregnant.
Oh well! Here goes. Wish me luck.
Good night my people. Keep me in your prayers.
Someone sent this to me on my BlackBerry and I found it absolutely amusing! People come up with all sorts!
“What Nonsense! This has got to stop! . When CL0SE-UP does an advert, they will show you someone’s teeth and how to brush properly.
When GILETTE Does an advert they will show you someone’s beards, armpit and they will show you how well the shaving stick works.
When DETTOL does an advert they will show you someone taking his or her bath in the bathroom with the soap ………..
But what the hell is wrong with ALWAYS ULTRA Sanitary PAD? When they are doing their advert they will never show us anything! All we see is a girl rolling on her bed or secondary school girls singing in the field… How does that show us what the pad is used for?!
We need a drastic change.”
I wonder what exactly the writer wants to see? Guesses, anyone?
Uwanma the Curious!
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I woke up today to an email from…well, I won’t call her a friend. But she’s no mere acquaintance. I’m not sure how to describe her. How do you describe an ex-boyfriend’s older sister who is somewhat bitter, never sees anything good in what anyone does, is always picking a fight with people and spends her time visiting prophets and strange prayer houses?
Anyway, let me give you some context before I share the mail she sent me:
Some months ago she (let’s call her Ugo) tells me her friend on Facebook saw her endorsement of one of my YouTube videos and told her she knew me; that we had gone to school together. This lady (let’s call her Slim) asked her for my pin and I gave the go-ahead. A week ago, Slim sends me a link to a video and because I have a policy not to open unknown links, I ask her what’s in it. She turns sarcastic and downright vitriolic! I was so aghast but politely told her I don’t appreciate her tone and have the right to accept or reject untitled links. She continues with the sarcasm. At the end of my tether, I say to her: “Oh yea, we are hooked up through Ugo so I’m not surprised…” (or something along that line). This was last week.
Then I receive this email from Ugo which confirmed my expectation that she (Slim) would share our conversation with her buddy:
“I know its hard being short and ugly in such a challenging world but don’t despair just pretend to be sane and all will be well. Just in case ur wondering my bro fought be for adding u on bb and even talking to u. So now u know he has moved on and even b4 his wife he would have married one uche n now an uwa. But I admire ur courage keep on faking it maybe ull make it … Maybe … U n slim met at absu (we didn’t meet at ABSU) and u both asked me to connect u 2 (I made no such request!). So if ur having a personality problem or something pls deal with it and don’t mention me. Ur 2 x boyfriends complained abt the same thing (their complain is I’m too ambitious and independent; sue me) so its high time u woke up and smelt the coffee. And insulting 2 married women (slim and I) won’t help ur profile dear (she’s so single! Not even dating! Last guy ran when she and another chick went diabolical/prophetic on the fellow!). With love from ur darling ugo.”
So, there you have it. I was both incensed and amused! It almost ruined my day then I remembered she’s missing some screws. I had typed out my response; believe me she would have gone back to her prophets for deliverance if I had sent it but I decided to give in to amusement instead. So, my response was: “LMCAO! You’re hilarious!”. (Laughing My Cute Ass Off)
As for Slim, I’ve removed her from my BlackBerry. Enough said! Us women have got issues though…major issues. But don’t ever let them haters get you down. Like the picture says, they’re just jealous of you and your aspirations!
Spent the rest of the day concluding plans for my trip to visit my sister who just had twins in the UK. Pictures coming soon on my iDiary.
Goodnight my people. Keep on winning!
Esther Odozi, 21, on Monday stripped to the waist at the Ikeja Magistrate Court, exposing her breasts with desperate and wild abandon! This drama was part of her protest against poverty and hunger as well as a desperate attempt to get Governor Fashola to giver her N200, 000 as business capital.
Esther, the mother of 5 from Agbor Owanta, Delta State rolled on the floor half-naked and shared her story:
“Hunger, hunger. Government must do something today. I have not received anything from the plenty crude oil money government is spending in our state. Nigerians are wicked. I want Fashola to give me N200, 000.”
“After confronting serious hardship in my state, I was advised by an official of Human Rights Commission in Delta to go to Human Rights Commission in Abuja. I also went to Police Headquarters and NAPTIP (National Agency for the Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons) in Abuja. They all told me to go to Lagos; they said that is where I could get help.”
“My husband, Donald Ogbaja, was a retired policeman before he died of hunger. He married me when I was 17. I bore five children, including twins for him.”
“I will not leave this court without seeing N200,000 to start business. I want to sell melon and garri. Tell Emmanuel Uduaghan, the governor of my state, and the Federal Government to do something about my condition. They must give me part of the petrol money. I must take care of my five children.”
Dear Esther, this is the most ridiculous act, demand and strategy to make money I’ve ever heard! So your poverty makes you a victim of human rights abuse? Then you go to NAPTIP? Were you a victim of human trafficking? And then they advise you to come to Lagos?! To do what? So Fashola is now responsible for all Nigerians, right? Or is Fashola supposed to get the money from his colleague Uduaghan?
People are just peculiar in their desperation and lose all common sense! The transport money to Abuja from Delta and Abuja to Lagos could have started a pure water business which has slightly more than 50% profit margin. Instead you prefer to travel up and down looking for Fashola and N200, 000. Well, good luck to you! Let’s hope your breast exposure will get you Fashola’s attention and the N200, 000!
Uwanma the Irritated!
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Culled from here.
Remember him? The very talented but rather rude musician who was making waves several years back but has somewhat faded into obscurity. He even stepped on the toes of some chap who sang a song predicting his (Timaya’s) downfall. (Can’t remember the name of the hater nor the lyrics to his song…)
Anyway, I hope Timaya really comes back with a bang, not this one-year_one-song style he’s adopted. I really like his music, his swag and his bad attitude! My baby sis loves him, too!
His daughter is cute though. Wonder if his girlfriend, Barbara, mother to the little cutie expects a ring soon… Just curious.
It doesn’t look like there will be a birthday party…is he that broke? Looks like it from the picture.
I don’t know why no one is inviting him for shows and concerts; his music will still make people get up and shake it! After all, if Salt N Pepa and Sasha P can be invited for a show, so can he! They are all in the same faded category and the Americans top the list! My opinion.
Uwanma the Truthful!
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For the past few months there’s been speculations about Cossy Orjiakor’s HIV status which started when a “close friend” of hers sent out a word of warning to Nigerian men! In an open letter, this friend claimed Cossy told her she (Cossy) had tested positive. The friend was warning men to stay away so as not to contract the dreaded disease.
Well, Cossy finally responded to the rumours when she took to Twitter and said she wasn’t. It may not satisfy her fans and haters as the denial wasn’t emphatic enough. The rumour of her positive HIV status will require more to be quashed as it gets its strength from her questionable lifestyle. Perhaps a negative report from one of the Federal Medical Centres or Teaching Hospitals.
But, my opinion is this: It’s no one’s business. And she shouldn’t even have dignified the rumours with a response. A person’s status is private. In any case, being HIV positive isn’t the end of the world, thank God for modern medicine!
Uwanma the Advocate!
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Many of us greeted with joy the President’s decision to send in the troops, declaring a state of emergency in some parts of the north. Many of us, myself included, though joyous didn’t really give a thought to the soldiers who would be risking their lives to keep the rest of us safe. I didn’t even think about their families; wives, children, fathers and mothers who would greet the President’s decision with dismay because they know it means their relative would have to do their sworn duty to this nation by putting laying their lives on the line.
I didn’t even give a thought to how I could help, what I could do even as they have already recorded the deaths of some of the soldiers until someone sent me this on my BlackBerry…
“While waiting to board a flight from Charlotte to Atlanta sometime last year, I noticed a small number of US Soldiers were also waiting to board the same flight. I was immediately fascinated by their youthfulness and nice camouflage . They looked like boys and girls to me. I even suspected they were cadets.
My first surprise came when the flight was about to board. The announcer made it clear that men and women of the US army should step forward and board the plane first. This was ahead of other passengers even on the first class compartment . When we had all boarded the flight, the pilot then announced that the airline was happy and privileged to be flying with men of the US army and welcomed them specially on board.
When we landed in Atlanta, the pilot announced and thanked the men of the US army for flying with United Airlines and this time everyone on the plane went into a round of applause, clapping for almost a minute. I had to join in clapping for the US soldiers. This is how much America values the men and women, battling insurgents in order to protect their home land.
Today lets offer prayers and applaud the men and women battling insurgents from Bayelsa to Nassarawa , from Borno to Yobe, from Katsina to Kano; staying awake for us to sleep, taking the battle to the enemies so we can live a normal life. These are the real men with balls. Not the cowards that attack defenseless people and scurry away to hide.
God bless Nigerian Army. God bless Nigeria… Same goes to our real police standing for hours on end on our roads for our protection -many while we sleep…”
Now I know how I can help them; I can pray for them, I can commend and thank them when I come across them. Now you also know your role. They can’t fight Boko Haram alone, they need us just as we need them. So, when praying for a breakthrough, a promotion etc, pray for guidance and protection for the army.
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Uwanma the Patriot!
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If Kim Kardashian can be flown in to Nigeria to host Dare’s Valentine’s love-like-a-something concert then our very own Tonto can be flown to London to host Iyanya’s Kukere Concert. Right? We are sure she will spend way more than Kim’s 5 minutes on stage and will do a better job for a cheaper salary!
She’s also someone people want to see so that was a smart choice by the Iyanya camp.
And for Tonto, well, I like her style…if my music isn’t making it then my best bet is to align myself with music stars in the hopes that their star-dust would rub off on me. Just saying…
Uwanma the Approving!
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There’s been rumours about an illicit and coded romance between our Nollywood bad boy turned Reality Star and beautiful Ghanaian movie star Nadia. Yesterday they were spotted walking in hand-in-hand to the Vodafone Ghana Music Awards and this action seems to negate the denials of any romantic involvement.
Well, we all know they deny these things until the cat is truly out of the bag. Is that not how Tiwa Savage and her fiance denied everything at through top of their voice, claiming a professional relationship; “He’s my manager!”, “She’s my client!” until we saw ring and the manager on one knee.
Time will tell. In the mean time, we are watching JimNad with 3D magnifying glasses!
Uwanma the Aproko!
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